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Your Christmas Sex & Dating Conundrums Solved

Your Christmas Sex & Dating Conundrums Solved

Mince pie crumbs in your hair + a ‘hilarious’ festive knit + an unexpected reunion with ‘that’ ex in the corner shop on Christmas Eve = serious festive cringe. The holidays are coming and many of us are hoping to do the same… but it’s not always as simple as we might hope. From irritating relatives poking into our dating status to unwanted sex soundtracks, here are some of the main hurdles for our lust lives this season - and our top tips on banishing them.

How To Fix A Squeaky Bed

One for our friends who are headed to their parents/elderly relatives/in laws: there’s a strong likelihood that you’ll be dealing with a bed frame that climaxes louder than you do. Whilst we like to hope the spirit of Christmas will help the rest of the house ignore any cheeky creaks and groans, the reality can be a little more Gavin and Stacey.

  • Well ahead of sexytime, check for any loose nuts or bolts that might rattle when you’re getting down to it.
  • For extra peace of mind, give the springs and hinges a good spray with WD40 and rub down. Hey, lubricant isn't just for down there...
  • If all else fails, talk a cheeky countryside stroll and get busy in a romantic thicket. (This works best if you’ve escaped the city for a charming cottage a la Cameron Diaz in The Holiday).

How To Make It Onto The Naughty List

  • AKA how to get off whilst Michael Buble croons your ears off. Given we were just talking about squeaky hinges, make sure to pack your lube to smooth over any friction. It's our go-to for the bedroom, whether we're flying solo or getting down to it with our naughty list fave. Our 50ml lube bottle is hand luggage friendly, and can be grabbed at WHSmith travel stores before you jet/train off for the festive break. 
  • Silent nights will be a thing of the past when you bring a Mysteryvibe sex toy along for the ride (as it were). Leave ol’ faithful aka the Magic Wand at home and pack MysteryVibe’s palm-sized Poco for intense self or partnered pleasure that won’t wake up your nan’s Golden Retriever.
  • Ditch the latest schmaltzy flick and turn up the heat. On the Netflix end of things, our thirstier friends report positively on the new take on Lady Chatterley's Lover. In the mood for something naughtier? Try Erika Lust’s sex positive, indie adult films, which focus on equal pleasure for all and ensure everyone involved in the making of the content is paid fairly. 

How To Deal With Awkward Conversations

You might be having the best sex of your life/totally confident about your childfree status/the hottest you’ve ever felt, but a comment from a random relative can puncture your self belief faster than we can get through the Purple Ones in a Quality Street tin.

  • Before you head to a gathering with rogue rellies, prepare yourself, set appropriate boundaries (e.g. I will not engage with negative commentary about my life choices) and ringfence time to yourself.
  • Need backup? We love the Self Space’s honest conversation cards that cut off any prying conversation or tricky topics around fertility, body image, politics and beyond. Create yours, hand them out and hold your own.


How To Handle Bumping Into An Ex

Spotting an ex mid-gift-spree can feel like a particularly cruel joke from the Ghost of Exes Past. Returning home to the burbs carries the risk of running into an ex and be it a recent breakup or ancient history, it’s the social equivalent of a lump of coal in your stocking. If you’re feeling knocked for six, remember that emotions are always heightened at this time of year.

  • Try to avoid making any rash decisions or sending any “i miss u” texts until the ‘Last Christmas’ miasma fades away and you’re able to think clearly in the New Year.
  • The revenge fantasy might include a fresh mani and a devastatingly attractive hottie on your arm, but don’t panic if the reality doesn’t match up to your dream standards. Chances are that they haven’t noticed your acne patch and are more concerned about their own appearance. 
  • If you’ve moved on and they haven’t, aim to be kind. The holidays can be lonely, and nostalgia can leave even the most rational old flame feeling soppy for old times. Remember, though, there’s a difference between being empathetic and greenlighting unrealistic expectations.
  • Heard of ‘Marleying’? This dating term refers to an ex sliding into your DMs/Whatsapps with the festive season as an excuse. Perhaps Love Actually is to blame for heroing mulled wine-fuelled simping, but our advice is to beware the One Who Got Away For A Good Reason making advances under the guise of good tidings…

How To Handle Low Libido

If unexpectedly stumbling into an ex isn’t enough to dampen any festive horniness, sometimes the intense stress and rich food of the Christmas season can play havoc with sex drive. It’s totally normal and not something to panic about - though contact your GP or health provider if you’re feeling worried at all. There are several ways to look after your sexual wellness during the holidays, starting with keeping a handle on good cheer:

  • If you’re partial to a tipple, regulate your alcohol consumption as overindulging can cause erectile dysfunction, decreased sensation and vaginal lubrication. Try swapping in non-alcoholic options where you can - we like a Days 0.0% beer, Punchy soft drink with a spicy kick or Seedlip G&T.
  • For a little extra support, try our new natural sex drive supplement, Libido Lift, which boosts blood flow and energy. Mix into your favourite cocktail, smoothie or water (it’s peach flavoured!), sip and get into your feelings under the mistletoe.

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