“I’m not in the mood” “I have a headache” “Not tonight”
Sound familiar to you? These proclaims of disinterestedness have been used time and time again by women to explain to their partner that they’re not up for having sex. There are many reasons why women may struggle to get their hypothetical erection. Here are five reasons why your libido might be struggling…
Stress has so many triggers. Maybe you’re super busy at work, or under pressure from friends and family. Perhaps, your life in general is pretty damn stressful and when it comes to sex, you might find it hard to switch off and get in the mood. To improve your libido, try and take a bit of time out to unwind. Aim for at least an hour each day. Whether this is going for a run (see point 2), relaxing with friends or practicing a little bit of mindfulness, do what works for you. You’ll find you can control your happiness and your libido with a little more ‘me’ time.
As with everything, it is important to exercise in moderation. Over-exerting yourself can have a negative impact on your libido, whilst not enough is also detrimental. Too much exercise can lead to exhaustion, which not only makes you too tired for sex, but also puts a strain on your overall wellbeing. If you’re constantly mentally and physically exhausted, you’re going to struggle to feel like sex. Saying that, exercise can help improve self-esteem and subsequently improve your libido. Three days a week, raising your heart rate for over 30-minutes each time, is ideal.
It’s true - certain foods are aphrodisiacs. Though the simplest solution is to eat a healthy diet in general some foods are particularly good at improving your libido.
Some great aphrodisiacs are:
- Dark chocolate: Hurray! Chocolate contains phenylethylamine, theobromine and serotonin, a.k.a the chemicals we released when in love.
- Cherries: This fruit has earned its reputation as an aphrodisiac due to being a stimulant of the production of pheromone – a hormone that results in sexual attraction.
- Ginger: Fresh or ground, this spice induces blood circulation to improve stimulation and sexual arousal, increasing sensitivity in the erogenous zones.
Many more foods claim to be aphrodisiacs, and although not all are backed by science they are excuses to try something new ! Give it a go…
4. Second thoughts
Maybe you just don’t want to. It can be that simple and perhaps you don’t want to have sex with that person. If this seems to be the case, ask yourself if you are actually happy in the relationship or whichever situation you’re in that has brought about the sex. Do you have any doubts or worries that could be behind your loss of sexual desire? You may find that you are fighting a lot with your partner, the chemistry has faded or the connection you once had is no longer there. Reading up on advice about keeping the passion alive in your relationship and talking about sex with your partner could be helpful here. Remember that sparks might not always be flying and this is ok, but it is also ok not to stay with someone if it isn’t right.
5. Too much sex
This may sound contradictory, but too much sex can lead to a loss in libido. Sex addiction is a serious affliction, and often stems from watching too much porn or having too much sex. It might be difficult to imagine having too much sex, and there isn’t exactly a recommended number of hours of porn watching. But, if you are struggling to have sexual feelings for your partner, it may be because you have trained your brain to only become aroused from porn. Sexual addiction is something best dealt with by seeing your GP or a therapist. The likelihood is you would need to retrain your brain and learn how to interact in sexual relationships.
Remember, it is always your choice whether to have sex or not; you should never feel forced into anything and mutual consent is key.
Here’s to getting that sex drive back on track!