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Relight Your Fire: How To Boost Your Libido

Not in the mood? There are many reasons why you might be struggling to fire up your sex drive - but there are pervasive misconceptions around women's libido. Where the 'little blue pill' has become the go-to mainstream solution for erectile dysfunction, there's little in-depth discussion or understanding of issues surrounding female sexual desire. To be clear, when we talk about a low libido, we mean:

  • Little to no interest in sex or any kind, including masturbating
  • Very rarely or never having sexual fantasies
  • Feeling worried about your lack of sexual activity or fantasies

It's often assumed that lacking desire for sex is a problem to be solved, especially if you are in a relationship and your wants don't quite match up with your partner's/s'. There is no universal gold standard for the amount of nookie to be having, it's entirely normal to differ from people you're seeing and compromise is often key when accepting that you aren't perfectly in sync.

However, if you're concerned by a sudden change in your sex drive or would like to boost it, help is definitely at hand. Libido problems are far more common that people realise. There are lots of external factors which may affect your desire for getting it on. Here are five reasons why your libido might be struggling…

1. Stress

Stress has so many triggers. Maybe you’re super busy at work, under pressure from friends, partners or dependents, experiencing dating dilemmas or moving house. If your life in general is pretty damn stressful, when it comes to sex, you might find it hard to switch off and get in the mood. To improve your libido, try and take a bit of time out to unwind. Aim for at least an hour of destressing and 'being in the moment' each day. Whether this is going for a run, relaxing with friends, taking time out to enjoy a hobby or simply rest, or practicing a little bit of mindfulness, do what works for you. You’ll find you can control your happiness and your libido with a little more ‘me’ time.

2. Exercise

As with everything, it is important to exercise in moderation. Over-exerting yourself can have a negative impact on your libido, whilst not enough is also detrimental. Too much exercise can lead to exhaustion, which not only makes you too tired for sex, but also puts a strain on your overall wellbeing. If you’re constantly mentally and physically exhausted, you’re going to struggle to feel like sex. Saying that, exercise can help improve self-esteem and subsequently improve your libido. Three days a week, raising your heart rate for over 30-minutes each time, is ideal. Swimming, yoga, zumba, trapeze or skateboarding - whatever works for your happiness and lifestyle.

3. Diet

A varied, balanced diet with fruit, vegetables, good fat, protein and carbohydrates is in general, beneficial for all areas of your wellbeing. Treats are often a shortcut for energy at 3pm in the office, or a cheeky Deliveroo when you're too tired to cook, but overindulging in added sugars or unhealthy fats can actually affect your testosterone levels and therefore horniness. Incorporate plenty of whole foods to your lunchbox and dinners, and ditch the processed snacks where you can. On the other hand, certain foods can be aphrodisiacs. Some foods that are particularly good at improving your libido include:

  • Dark chocolate: Hurray! Chocolate contains phenylethylamine, theobromine and serotonin, a.k.a the chemicals we released when in love.
  • Cherries: This fruit has earned its reputation as an aphrodisiac due to being a stimulant of the production of pheromone – a hormone that results in sexual attraction.
  • Ginger: Fresh or ground, this spice induces blood circulation to improve stimulation and sexual arousal, increasing sensitivity in the erogenous zones.

Many more foods claim to be aphrodisiacs, and although not all are backed by science they are excuses to try something new. Give it a go…

4. Second thoughts

If you're in an unstable or unfulfilling relationship, this can have an adverse impact on your libido. If this might be the case, ask yourself if you are actually happy in the relationship or whatever dating situation you’re involved in. Do you have any doubts or worries that could be behind your loss of sexual desire? You may find that you are fighting a lot with your partner, the chemistry has faded, trust has been compromised or the connection you once had is no longer there. Reading up on advice about keeping the passion alive in your relationship and finding a way to talk about sex with your partner could be helpful. Remember that those much-romanticised sparks might not always be flying and that's both realistic and normal - but you aren't required to stay in a relationship if your attraction to eachother is no longer present or salvagable.

5. Too much sex

This may sound contradictory, but too much sex can lead to a loss in libido. Sex addiction is a serious affliction, and often stems from watching too much porn or having too much sex. It might be difficult to imagine having too much sex, and there isn’t exactly a recommended number of hours of porn watching. But, if you are struggling to have sexual feelings for your partner, it may be because you have trained your brain to only become aroused from porn. Sexual addiction is something best dealt with by seeing your GP or a therapist. The likelihood is you would need to retrain your brain and learn how to interact in sexual relationships.

Remember, it is always your choice whether to have sex or not; you should never feel forced into anything and mutual consent is key.

Beyond this, there are myriad other reasons why you might not be up for getting down and dirty. We asked our community about the biggest negative impact on their sex drive - and body issues came top of the pile. Whether you've experienced external body shaming or aren't feeling physically in your best shape, whatever that might look like for you, low self esteem/body confidence can impact desire for sex. 
 

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