A Condom Themed Wedding? Yes, Really...
It’s officially wedding season. From country houses in Scotland to tiny churches in London, team HANX are dancing across the British Isles every weekend. And it’s no surprise - summer is the most popular season to get married. For us teary-eyed guests sitting in the pews/ rustic hay bales/stone circles, that leaves us with the modern marriage conundrum. What do you give cool couples as a wedding present? Toasters? Over. Gift vouchers? Dullsville.
HANX to the rescue. Inspired by the essential supplies we take along to any and every celebration, we’ve created must-have sexual wellness sets for making nuptials go with a, er, bang. Treat the happy couple to a Year of Great Sex Set to ensure they make the most of their post-wedding bliss…
Four Weddings and a Condom Gag
Weddings and condoms go hand-in-hand, in our eyes. In fact, the wedding of our very own co-founder, Dr. Sarah Welsh had a rather unusual high point. Most father of the bride speeches don’t reference sex or condoms, but this wasn’t your average toast…
Since the start of HANX, our families have been getting stuck in to support us with everything from checking to see if our lube had landed in the nearest Boots to packing our very first orders on the kitchen table. Frankly, it would have been weird if Sarah’s dad hadn’t picked out some of the best prophylactic puns he could think of to celebrate her big day. We’ve selected the best for your enjoyment below…
- ‘I imagine you are expecting some condom innuendos? Maybe, but I thought I’d leave them to the climax of my speech - well, you wouldn’t want them to come too soon.’
- ‘Apparently, an innuendo is a form of suppository.’
- ‘And now, just to wrap up…’
- ‘Nothing like a bit of lubricant to smooth over any awkward moments…’
- ‘At least we’ll be covered if anything unexpected comes up.’
How To Host A Wedding, HANX style
Blame the elusive ‘romantic vibes’ in the air, as our research shows 52% of guests have got it on at a wedding. With that in mind, here are our top tips for hosts:
- Whether with the head waiter or their plus one, your crew are probably gonna do it. Follow Sarah's lead and tuck chic, discreetly packaged HANX condoms in the bathrooms, or the hotel rooms of your bridesmaids/best men/best peeps... We have it on good authority that her guests were very appreciative...!
- No judgement of your single pals. What happens behind the marquee at 2am as Careless Whisper rings out stays behind the marquee.
Speaking of which, for the love of doggy style, place all attractive singletons on the same table and let us spend the entirety of the night flirting over the croquembouche. Your nan is lovely - but we’re rightfully attending to meet the love of our night/life. Allow us to make tipsy eye contact at the hunky cousin from Sunderland, please.