How To Introduce Toys In The Bedroom

There’s been a long-held association between sex toys and masturbation, and whilst they can be great for enhancing solo pleasure, they can be game-changers in partnered sex too. Whether it's your new suction toy (hello, Cindy) or experimenting with restraints, there are so many ways you can incorporate sex toys into your life. So, if you’re looking to shake things up a bit or try something new, we’ve prepared a guide on the steps you can take to add variety into your sex life.

Communicate with your partner

If you’re looking to introduce a toy into your sex life, don't whip it out in the heat of the moment. It's always best to set the scene and discuss it with your partner(s) first. Some might feel unsure about the idea of an extra pair of electronic hands in the mix, others might just like a little heads up. Reassure them that it's not to replace them, but to enhance your mutual pleasure - however, be sure to listen to their concerns and not dismiss them. Don't introduce something mid-session without asking first, and don't feel like you need to do everything at once - you can always start with one small toy and build up to more complex or adventurous elements over time. Try approaching the subject before the fun begins, in a more relaxed setting - this might take some of the pressure off!

Choose a toy

Spend some time looking for toys together, so you can both feel like you're a part of this new adventure. Be specific about what you’re looking for and what you want to get out of it. There are hundreds of toys out there specially designed for partnered pleasure, so there’ll definitely be something for you. Picking a toy out and fantasising about how you can use it together should be part of the fun, and the more your partner feels involved in and has control over the process, the more excited they might be. 

Don’t be afraid to move away from penetration

Dildos are not the only toys (with apologies to Jeanette Winterson). There are so many ways you can introduce sex toys into your partnered play.

If you or your partner/s don’t enjoy vaginal penetration or experience conditions such vaginismus or endometriosis which can make it painful, a clitoral stimulator like our very own Cindy can be a very fun addition to proceedings. Focusing on the clit not just avoids soreness or anxiety of penetration, but carries the added bonus of being 37% of women's favourite way to reach orgasm.

If clit suction toys, with combine air pressure and vibration for more intense orgasms, aren't for you, there are plenty more ways to play without vaginal penetration: 

• Mini clit vibes (like Dame's Fin)
• Nipple clamps
• Butt plugs and anal beads
• Masturbation sleeves (used for penises)
• Cock rings
• Prostate massagers

One of our favourite ways to enjoy toys with a partner is during mutual masturbation, which can deepen connection as well as giving you the treat of seeing them explore their own pleasure. 


How to get stuck in

• Toys don't have to be the main focus of sex. You can bring them into foreplay, purely at the stage of orgasms or as and when the mood strikes. There are no 'rules' about the right way to 
• Cindy can be used not just for solo fun, but as a way of heightening pleasure with a partner. Try using her on your clit, in addition to penetration (either vaginal or anal - your choice!). She's also a fun addition to foreplay - we like putting her to work during a heavy makeout session.
• Keep yourselves safe. If you're getting creative with a penetrative toy, cover your toy or dildo with a condom and remember to never move from anal to vaginal, or vice versa, without changing the condom first. This can help avoid transferring bacteria and causing infections.
• Silicone based lube shouldn't be used with silicone toys as it can degrade your fave bedroom buddy. Use a gentle, water-based formula.
• Bum fun on the menu? Take it from our in-house medical expert, Dr Sarah Welsh: don't ever insert anything into you or your partner/s' anus that doesn't have a flared base. She's retrieved more anal toys from arses than you've had fried breakfasts - the anal sphincter is made up of a set of incredibly strong muscles. Without a flared base to 'anchor' the toy, your butt plug or vibe could get sucked into the anus, be very difficult to remove without medical help - and even cause serious injury. 
  
  

Practice makes perfect 

If you’ve tried something new and it didn’t go exactly as planned, you can stop as soon as you feel uncomfortable. Remember, consent should be ongoing, enthusiastic - and can be withdrawn at any time during the action. Post-sex, make time to have a debrief with your partner and figure out what you can do to make the experience more enjoyable. Trying new things, such as rope or impact play, can take some practice before you properly get comfortable with it. Don’t let one slightly disappointing experience put you off completely!

As long as you and your partner are enjoying exploring each other’s pleasure, be patient and it will come more naturally over time. There are so many different types of toys out there, so you’ll find something you and your partner love. Equally, you might find toys aren't for you - and that's okay too.

 Want more?

• Discover our guide on how to use a clitoral suction toy, just like our Cindy.
• Mismatched libidos? Our in-house sexperts explain how to manage differing desire levels in a relationship.
• Prepping for play? Stock up on natural, sensitive Condoms now.