A Beginner's Guide To Sober Dating

Not everything needs to be dry in January - even if you're navigating sober dating. We've teamed up with Picoso Co-Founder Tish Carless to spice up the greyest month of the year. Thinking about giving alcohol a break but worried about how it might affect your dating prowess? The spicy soda pioneer explains it all...

"I gave up drinking four and a bit years ago, when I was 25 years old, and realised my life revolved around alcohol and drinking occasions, which subsequently was getting in the way of who I really was and the life I wanted to live. Ultimately, it was the best decision I could’ve made and has allowed me to be true to myself and form much more real and meaningful relationships of all kinds - but it wasn’t always that easy, and dating is one of the hardest things to navigate when you’re sober, especially in the world we live in where first dates are usually the first time you are meeting someone, and a go-to for this is the pub or somewhere where Dutch courage and drinking can make things flow a little easier."

When and how do I tell a date that I’m not drinking?

"This definitely changed the more confident I became in my sobriety, and I definitely used to not want to advertise the fact I don’t drink on my dating profile, as I was worried people would form opinions of who I was because of the fact I don’t drink. 

Depending on where we are meeting, I usually let people know beforehand, as this avoids lots of questions and any awkwardness in person. I personally don’t mind spending time around people who are drinking or drunk, and usually let people know this beforehand or at the start of the date, so they don’t feel pressured to not drink themselves."

What have you found most positive about dating post-stopping drinking?

"Dating sober has made me a lot more picky, in a good way! If a date isn’t going well, I definitely would’ve turned to alcohol to help me get through it and make it more interesting, which usually would just mean a hangover and a lot more time wasted being somewhere I didn’t want to be. 

It’s a lot easier for me to know if I truly feel there is a connection and if I am having a good time now, and everything feels a lot more ‘real’, which makes it easier for me to consciously know if I like someone. It has also given me the confidence to politely leave when I know I am not feeling it and confidently know I’ve made the right decision."

As the co-founder of a non-alcoholic mixer brand - what would be your top sober date suggestion?

"My top sober date advice would be to be yourself and remind yourself that the best thing you can do on a date is be your true self. Picoso is all about inclusivity for drinkers and non-drinkers and is working to remove the stigma surrounding drinking with exciting drinks that are great both with and without alcohol. If you aren’t feeling super confident about not drinking, I would suggest doing something that doesn’t revolve around drinks, like a coffee, walk in the park, dinner or visiting an art gallery. There is so much more than just going to the pub, and it usually makes for a much more unique and exciting date where you can properly get to know someone.

If you are going on a date at a pub and aren’t feeling confident about the fact you’re not drinking, remember you don’t need to explain yourself or give too many details on why and how long you plan to not drink for. I’d recommend ordering a drink that makes you feel confident and happy without giving in to peer pressure or feeling like you need to pretend to be someone you’re not, and remember - you can always leave and don’t need to give a long explanation why."

Does intimacy feel different when you’re not drinking? 

"Yes and no - I think perhaps it takes longer to get to that place, especially initially, as alcohol was something that made getting intimate with someone a lot quicker and easier. However, sober sex is so much better, and at the end of the day I think not drinking gives you the confidence to be more vocal about what you like, means you are fully present, and gives you a lot of power and control in the situation, which at the end of the day are only positive things!"

Want more?

• Does alcohol affect your sex drive? Find out why your libido can be impacted by a cheeky glass here.
• Spice up your life with natural aphrodisiacs. Discover the saucy ingredient in Picoso spicy sodas that can help turn up the heat in the bedroom...
• How do you handle mismatched libidos in a relationship? Our in-house sexperts explore how to navigate different levels of desire for sex.