“Do you every feel like a plastic bag, floating in the wind?”
For the first time, I can relate to what KP was implying here.
The world is passing me by
It feels like everyone is passing me by and getting on with life's big milestones, leaving me floating behind without any real perceived direction. Being surrounded by friends getting engaged, married, and babies creeping in… It is not unusual to feel you have missed the “life deadline” in today’s society. So now, on this blog, I am being completely honest and open with myself. Do I want to be married with kids right now? Do I feel somewhat left behind, missing out on things other people my age are doing as life passes me by?
How did I get here?
Looking back, school was good fun, no serious commitments or anxieties, except winning hockey and passing Latin. Sure. Then University was a pleasant extension of school, with more frivolities (and alcohol), and whilst many of my couple-friends met here, it didn’t feel at the time that this was a priority. I was rather happy being free and single. Thinking about it now, I wish I had paid more attention to Josh or Oliver, the underdogs… or even you Will. All three of whom are currently happily engaged or married (congrats girls), and once again I seem to have caught myself cripplingly single and yearning to make my mother happy, not to mention provide a grandchild or two in the next few years.
Don’t get me wrong, I’d love a big rock on my finger. Any takers? Only joking (kind of)… that is something that will come if it comes. At the tender age of 35, I will be considered a ‘high-risk’ mother if I were pregnant, simply because of my age. I still can’t see it. Far too selfish, I want to continue exploring the world and what it has to offer before bringing a little one into this world. And gosh, I can hardly look after myself! One day, I’d like to think I would spread my genes, but who is to know by which time nature will not be so kind to me. Hey, that’s a blog for another day!
My parent’s generation are very much from a different wave than ours. Being a first mum at 40 is not considered unusual now, and having delayed your career or started multiple different ones, is equally as acceptable. So, I have decided: I’m making my own life deadlines. I want to have the most fulfilling life, not conform to what is ‘expected’ and we all know, this is different for everyone whether by choice or chance. For once, I’m happy to go with that, and take control of my life in every way.