Dear Dates: Flashy Fergus
Introducing our new blog series, Dear Dates. We'll be publishing anonymous dating stories, from first dates to tinder dates and everything in between. We figured it would be nice to know that, whilst it can sometimes feel like you've accidentally wondered onto the set of a very bad rom-com, you're not the only one.
Dating is a total minefield, and with the concept of dating always evolving, there never seem to be any rules. So consider this our gift to you, a summer of real life stories to remind you that you are not alone, and that there are plenty more fish in the sea. If you'd like to submit a story for this series head to HANX Life where you can share anonymously.
Without further ado, here's our first submission of the summer:
Dear Flashy Fergus,
Thanks for lighting the path of a dark, but cute bar with your Rolex. As if the bling of the chrome wasn’t enough to burn my retinas, you were so excited to tell me it “glows in the dark” and is “special edition”. Great bar, nice cocktails but sadly you had your dick on the table most of the time giving it all that about how you “run the show” and your “desk makes X”. We get it. You're flashy and you have cash. The location of this bar kind of said it all, but I was rather hoping for substance. Sadly the two don’t come in hand.
I had hoped after a strong negroni, things would get better though when it was revealed that actually you believe a woman’s place is at home, I knew I had two options. 1. Entertain your monologues. 2. Get out as fast as I could. Unfortunately, I'd just got a new phone and hadn’t quite figured how to use the torch option so settled for another negroni to drown out your arrogance. And so things went from bad to worse.
In essence, you want to marry a girl who can become a wife/maid/live at home nanny. Oh but I don’t have to worry because I won’t have to work a day in my life. No no, because that’s just not what women are “built” to do. Babes. Pretty confident no amount of money you could throw at the situation can make up for your terrible views on where a woman’s place is in society. Oh and if you'd bothered to ask a single question about my life you would have discovered I make a pretty decent living and I love my job. Safe to say Flashy Fergus and I parted ways. Never to be seen together again.
Lesson learnt: Don’t be fooled by a man with a great pair of nashers.
Advice for date: Keep the Jonny big bollocks persona at home and learn to respect women. Oh and Tod’s weren’t made for winter weather love.